So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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