Dual....:-)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
