Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
