So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
