I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
