I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
