You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
