dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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