i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
