then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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