you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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