I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
