you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
