Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
