Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
