How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
