do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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