I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
