Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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