i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
