I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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