R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
