brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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