i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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