I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
