And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
