You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
