Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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