Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
