I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
