yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
