I wish I only lived at night.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
