Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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