Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Drake has all the answers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
