were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
