I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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