The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize