halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
