I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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