btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
