dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
