Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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