My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
