Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it glows. i had to have it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
