we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize