yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
