What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just invented taco cereal.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
