My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
