New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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