if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
