He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
