I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
