You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
