you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize