dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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