Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
