i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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