I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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