He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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