if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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