question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
