Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize