I feel great
I just peed on a car
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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