Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
