I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
