Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
