honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
