So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
