he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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