I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
