You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
