What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
