"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
