she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
