were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
