I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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