I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
