wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
